Suppressing Your Feelings
As you grew older you became a master at hiding your feelings. You were somehow being forced to believe your dad was a deadbeat and he had his own life. This caused you to suppress your emotions and pretend that all was fine. Research has shown that such a response leads to two outcomes: either you revert to extreme indifference, or you develop what most people refer to as a “short fuse.” Both outcomes are a cover up for the real emotional trauma a “father desertion” might cause. These feelings should be recognized for what they are; a cover up, so a more in-depth examination for the reasons of the anger or indifference can be done.
Questions the Fatherless Father over 40 wished he would have gotten the answers to during this time:
- Did my father know how embarrassed I was to keep telling everyone I never met him and how I suppressed my feelings acting like it was ok?
- Did my mother have any Idea how much damage not having a relationship with my father would cause me in my later years?
- Did both my parents know that holding all of these feelings in and not getting answers might be why I get furious really fast?
The sense of helplessness that arises as a result of your inability to adequately answer inquiries about your childhood, as well as all the other issues relating to confidence, self-esteem and your inability to form completely balanced relationships, may induce feelings of inadequacy. The usual response to this is ANGER. You may take on a more aggressive and intimidating persona. Anger will be both a weapon and a shield. Anger may be an appropriate response to your feelings of rejection because it makes you feel powerful and in control. It also fulfills your negative ideas of who a man is and how he should behave.
From the E-book “The Anger Management Help Guide For Fatherless Fathers Over 40.
By Tom Guu